It hides from me. I
try to tackle it, capture it. Hold it still, but it always gets away.
Lately I’ve been feeling the crunch for more time. More time to write, read, do craftsy stuff, and sneak in a workout.
Each morning at four thirty I start my morning routine: make breakfast for the family, prepare lunches for my son and I, and if I have time read some articles in Guideposts. I count my blessings I have an hour and a half each morning to get things done but six am comes too soon and I don’t know where the time went. Should I wake up earlier? Do the lunches the night before? Read less inspirational literature? Do I blink and twenty minutes go by when I’m not paying attention?
I go to wake up my son. He greets me by handing me each of his blankets (one at a time of course) and then reaches out for me. Most mornings he points to his chair and says ‘snack,’ and when I give him his breakfast ‘snack’ he graciously says ‘yummy.’ I unload and load the dishwasher while he enjoys his yummy snack and smile.
Having a child may give me a lot less time to myself to get things done, but these types of rewards make it all worth it. So as I was brushing my teeth this morning I realized that I’m trying to catch something wild and free, and I need to journey with it instead of trying to tame it.
I need to be open to the idea of less. This idea of doing more with my time is my own construction; I don’t need to do more posts, more this, more that. Time is not just going to come bounding into my lap. I can’t create more of it, unless I let go of something or change something. Less sleep, less time with loved ones, fewer chores? Nah. Those sacrifices aren’t worth more time to me and that’s something I need to keep in mind: More time comes at what cost?
I need to do what I can and enjoy where I’m at. Relish and savor the sweet moments with my family and see where the journey takes me.
All this trying to balance time ends up making me feel like I’m addimg unnecessary stress to my life. It makes me appreciate where I’m at less because I’m perpetually thinking about how it could be different and how I want more (time). I need to be okay with what I have and work with that.
I can do that.