Letter to Punxsutawney Phil
Marcy Bartlett
Dear Phil, We who live in the Upper Valley would like to take issue with your prediction of an early spring. Just look out the window! See that blue thing? It's frozen in place, or I'd use it to clean my windshield. See that clearish-black sheen on our driveway? We call that BLACK ICE. Or are you too comfy in all that fur to look over the top of the SNOWBANK just in front of your nose. While snowed into your little burrow, eating take-out and reading great books to broaden your intellect did you come across British history and their War of The Roses? Well, here in the Upper Valley, we're having the WAR OF THE RODENTS! Evidently all that roadkill did not deter your cousins, the squirrels to go to sunny Pennsylvania. Because they ravage our birdfeeders, chasing the cardinals away. Not that I begrudge them a nibble, but seriously? Let's just say that we don't dress up in tophats and tails and play the sycophant to our rodents. We dispatch them. (See recipe).
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