Mushy Thanksgiving Dishes? Bring 'Em On!

Submitted 22 days ago
Created by
Edwin Garuth

I’ll confess that it’s unsettling to be in a conversation with a mouse, even if s/he/they is a reincarnated newspaper columnist. But it’s also pretty cool. Admit it, you’re just the tiniest bit jealous, right? Even though you think I'm just making this up.

But then, explain how it is that I found this on my computer screen yesterday (I'd asked racy h what the "h" stands for):

you asked about the h. here’s a quick lesson in mouse naming conventions. the first name describes how you behave physically. i’m racy because i like to skitter here and there. Aerial o, the ex-actress in your garage, is Aerial because she hates being on the ground, so you’ll always find her hanging out on one of your tires or perched on a rung of the ladder you’ve got hooked on your wall. she was up there the other day, we were talking about this dog that’s just moved into the neighborhood, a former ciA spook it turns out, says he wishes he’d been a dog when he was a spy, would have made his job so much easier…. but i digress.

the letter is about personality. Aerial is o because she’s operatic--big emotional range, though honestly she tends toward the snappish--no pun intended--though i think it’s mostly an act.

And me, i’m h because i’m hungry all the time. i sometimes think it’s because i’ve got a human appetite inside a mouse’s body, so no matter how much i eat i’m never satisfied. or maybe it’s because i can’t sit still and burn everything off. whatever. there are days when the corners of your kitchen cabinets look pretty darn good though i’ve managed to refrain so far because why ruin a perfectly good friendship and business relationship, Sir?

which reminds me. the mouse community is extremely excited that thanksgiving is coming. someone in the valley news the other day wrote a ‘rant’ against mushy thanksgiving dishes and i have to say i think she might have got out ahead of her skis. ‘lifeless’ she said.

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listen honey, there’s a mouse genocide going on all around me, i know what ‘lifeless’ looks like and baked squash with butter and maple--all that lovely orange with its rolling hills and little crevices--is not it. humph. lifeless. did ‘scrumptious’ not come to mind? mushiness--whipped sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, stuffing, overcooked peas… it’s all good. tasty, diveable, a little goes a long way. don’t even get me started on the rapture of stuffing with gravy. Sure we need to chew on solid things too to keep our teeth from getting out of hand but that’s what wood is for. you don’t suppose that writer serves a platter of nice pine blocks at her thanksgiving table, do you?

Confused? Feeling cheated because you thought this was a food column?  Why not just start at the beginning?


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