Sir, i don't want my neck snapped

Submitted 17 days ago
Created by
Edwin Garuth

Sir, I need to talk to you about the traps.

I found these words the other morning at the bottom of a document I’d been working on late the night before. Tired, I’d gone up to bed leaving my computer open. “If I was going to troll you with a note,” my wife said when I asked her about it, “I'd be more like, ‘When are you going to fix the kitchen faucet, dude?’”

It was possible someone had taken control of my keyboard. Which was deeply creepy. But after a fraught morning reading up on malware and antivirus programs, I decided I’d had enough fun for the day and turned my attention back to work.

That night I closed out my doc and started a new one with my own message at the top.


The first thing I do in the morning is go out to get the paper. I know, but it relaxes me. I was just settling into breakfast when I remembered. I hopped up and checked my computer. I wasn’t really expecting to find anything. And I was definitely not expecting this:

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because altho i have a human soul, Sir, i’m still a mouse. is that extra sharp cabot cheddar you’ve been using? omg1111 it’s hard to resist, have a heart. i don’t want my neck snapped. Also when you leave the valley news in your newspaper pile, could you put Monday’s sports section on top? i hear the sox won the series.

Okay, so hackers can have a sense of humor. I brushed a mouse dropping off the left <shift> key and pondered. Winter’s coming and mice are moving indoors and so sue me, there’s a bunch of snap traps around the house. With Cabot Extra Sharp as bait. A coincidence. No apologies.

“Listen,” I typed that night, beneath the hacker’s message. “There’s no mouse leaving messages for me on my computer. Who are you really?”


Want to know the answer? Here's the next post, "Seriously? A Typing Mouse?"

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