This Bus Goes All the Way to Montpelier
Ever since I announced my write-in candidacy for Governor of Vermont, folks have been asking, “Squirrel, are you nuts?” And my answer is simple: “No, but I have nuts. Would you like one?”
What I am is determined. As Governor, I promise that squirrel will be heard and that their numbers will grow—knowing full well what that will do for sales of BB guns and Narragansett beer. But you know what they say: Rome wasn’t infested with rodents in a day.
I’ve been all over our beautiful state. I’ve been inside your walls, too.
I’ve scampered into the streets, stopping halfway only to turn back, then suddenly changed my mind and gone in my original direction. I’m one of the lucky ones.
How do we make it so fewer squirrel get a real good look at asphalt? Especially those that have been panini'd into the road shoulder. Because how does that happen? Are people swerving toward them?
Buses. We gotta start taking more buses. More humans per vehicle. More squirrel everywhere. Less traffic. Less animal waste en route to work. I can't do math, so do the math.
Not as wild as the look in my eyes when I’m hanging from your bird feeder, but what is?
SQUIRREL FOR GOVERNOR