Goodbye to Ice Cream.......and Other First World Tragedies

Submitted 7 months ago
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A friend of mine tells me she’s become a vegan and doesn’t miss ice cream at all.  Please!  Tell me another…..

Margaret was a major ice cream consumer and I can’t quite imagine her without her bowl of mint chocolate chip.  So I told her, do what I did:  for years, I was a vegetarian but I never gave up hot dogs.

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The hot dog of course, is the primary comestible to land you in culinary hell.  Filled with nitrates, the entrails of whatever, and salt, it will certainly pave the way to bad health, if not worse.  But based on my own personal experience (I never met another vegetarian who also consumed hot dogs) I can say my singular diet worked. 

And at this juncture let me give an unsolicited opinion:  foods masquerading as other foods, like tofu cheesecake, non gluten croissants and turkey dogs should be given to the cat if the cat will eat them….none of these can ever satisfy a genuine craving.

Let’s be real:  what makes sticking to any diet difficult?  The sense of sacrifice, of loss and the unreasonable suspicion that even though it was your idea to eat only grapefruits for a month, someone else is responsible for this indignity.  There is a deep feeling of deprivation and a pervasive feeling of peevishness against an unjust universe.

I never felt this way.  I love fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts and seeds.  And hot dogs.

I stayed on my eclectic vegetarian diet for seven years.  Now I eat fish and occasionally chicken.  And I continue to be healthy and adorable into my dotage.  I figure it’s those two hot dogs a month that keep me this way.

                                                                                              Joan Jaffe

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