Scientist Discovers Evolutionary Link Between 1970's Cider Press and Modern Day Bar Stool

A distant cousin of the Copeland Bar Stool

#CopelandFakeNews

Dr. Fern A. Cherfan of Ripleys University recently discovered compelling evidence that a bar stool found in Bradford, Vermont, has a long-forgotten ancestor in the common cider press of the early '70s.  Using primary sources such as a video to establish this link, Dr. Cherfan believes that a young man named Tim Copeland relocated to rural Vermont around 1975 and began churning out cider presses (as many as 3000 one year!) for a garden supply catalogue.

Tim Copeland dreaming of building a better cider press.

"People don't realize there was a HUGE cider consumption movement in the 70's, with nearly unlimited market demand. People back then were drinking vast quantities of cider, so of course there would be tremendous opportunity to flood the market with Copeland cider presses," the scientist opined.

Dr. Fern A. Cherfan explained people used to order goods through paper "catalogues". Massive wheelbarrows were also wildly popular in the 70's; people carted their things everywhere!

Dr. Cherfan hypothesized that the evolution of the cider press to the transitional butcher block woodworkers bench occurred a handful of years later, but she admits it's hard to tell for sure.

She excavated numerous sites around Corinth, where the evidence suggests the nucleus of cider press production is located. But she was dismayed to find no relics. "Apparently the average Vermonter didn't leave their cider presses and workbenches out in their fields to decay." Dr. Fern A. Cherfan hypothesizes that they may still be tucked away in barns and garages in the area. "If I could sneak into these private structures, I could really establish a clear evolutionary link between the early cider press and the workbench," Dr. Cherfan lamented glumly. "But you know, trespassing laws and stuff..."

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There was a catastrophic event in 1984 at the site of Copeland's production, ultimately propelling the evolution of the cider press and the workbench towards what we recognize today as a bar stool. A huge fire devoured the fabrication site of these early creations, nearly destroying the entire Copeland operation.

But the drive to create is a powerful trait in humanity, and production returned with a vengeance. "The spirit of '80s men and women was unshakeable! Copeland reinvested in a new, bigger factory and refined their furnishings for INSIDE dwellings. Truly, I cannot overstate the dramatic furniture transformation that occurred in such a short amount of time," Dr. Cherfan marveled. "These individuals devised highly developed gadgets and tools to improve their fabrication efficiency. Computers and infrared technology, can you believe it!?

Yet, they still insisted on hand-assembling and finishing their machine-fabricated parts. How quaint is that?"

By modern day 2018, all vestiges of the cider press and the workbench are gone from today's bar stool. To the untrained eye, one would never guess the roots of the stool are actually buried in these '70s handcrafted objects.

Dr. Fern A. Cherfan points out their obvious similarities: "What is embedded in Copeland's cider press, workbench, and modern day bar stool is a love of working with wood and a passion for a craftmanship. Now if I can just get into some barns for some original specimens..."

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