Charlie Sheen's Sheen Guide = WINNING!

(Allegedly)

If Charlie Sheen were a professional painter, he'd want you to know the do's & don'ts of choosing the right sheen for your painting job. He needs you to know the rules so that you can break them... because that's who Charlie Sheen is, a rule breaker and a "total (expletive) rock star from Mars" . So fellow free-thinkers, here are the usual suggestions for how to select a paint sheen.

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  • DO paint very low traffic and kid-free zones with a flat or matte sheen. The less shine to a paint, the less scrubbable it is and the less durable. However, for the DIY-drywallers among us, it hides more wall imperfections. Flat plaint also is easier to apply and is the most cost-effective. #money
  • DO paint eggshell when you want slightly more shine than flat and with a bit of clean-ability. Suitable for ceilings and low traffic zones.
  • DO paint medium or higher traffic areas with satin for the middle-of-the-road option. It's like the Susan Collins of paint. (Areas: hallways, foyers, guest bathrooms, family rooms, children's rooms.)
  • DO paint very high traffic areas or areas you really want to scrub with low or high gloss, for example, kitchens, baths, trim, and in any room my children are allowed. Ick.
  • DO add a drop of Tiger Blood to your can of paint for extra awesomeness.
  • DO try a super-shiny lacquered wall if the following three statements apply to you: a) your walls are impeccably perfect, b) 12 coats of paint, sanding between layers, and a final application of varnish sounds like a fun time, c) you possess Adonis DNA like Charlie Sheen and it deserves to be reflected on the walls.


Whether you want to follow these recommendations or whether you want to laugh in the face of conformity, it's up to you. Charlie Sheen is too busy WINNING a hundred different ways before breakfast to judge. Happy painting, rock star!

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