I'm Nothing If Not Socially Awkward
When I walked into CVS yesterday, an employee met me at the door. His exact words were:
“Hi. May I help you find anything today?”
I opened my mouth to respond and could not think of a single thing to say. No one at a CVS had ever asked me this before.
He didn't say, “Are you finding everything okay,” which is a different question, with an easy answer of “yes,” because of course you are. Literally, finding everything.
But this phrasing had me stumped. Say something, you fool! He'll think you're having a stroke! A few answers flashed through my mind while I stood there gaping at him:
“No. I don’t like to be followed.”
“Sure, please help me find All the Things. Let’s go!”
“Yes. Toothpaste? Q-tips? Batteries. Shampoo. Socks. Also we need laundry detergent. And wrapping paper. And I'm sure I need a wrench for some reason. And...”
Meanwhile, this person was still smiling at me, waiting on my response.
“I’m just here to – “
Again I paused, because, "I’m just here to wander the aisles on my lunch hour,” while true, seemed sort of pathetic to say out loud.
“I’M JUST HERE TO BUY STUFF,” I blurted.
I ducked down an aisle, taking huge strides to give the air of someone who knows what they're doing.
I left 20 minutes later with fifty dollars worth of stuff.
It was the most accurate answer I could have given.