I can tell you my story.
In 1990 one year after I graduated from high school, where I had been taunted and teased for being fat and having a fat rear end I weighed in at 114 pounds. I think I weighed 120 pounds when I graduated high school. I felt I was so “fat” that I wouldn’t even wear shorts unless it was well over 90 because I was too fat to be seen in shorts. At my yearly physical I was diagnosed with high cholesterol. My cholesterol was 308. So much for high cholesterol being a fat person disease huh?
I was placed on cholesterol reducing medicine. The medicine was called mevacor. I promptly gained between 40-60 pounds almost immediately, along with constant diarrhea. It was a LOVELY medicine and my cholesterol never went below 260.
In 1992 I got married and we decided we wanted to start a family. You cannot be on cholesterol medicine while you are pregnant or nursing, so I stopped the meds. I got pregnant in 1993. I gained about 40 pounds, and never lost it all. I got pregnant again in 1995 and gained another 35ish pounds, again never losing it all.
After this was done I went back to my doctor to see about my cholesterol. At this point I was about 200 pounds. My cholesterol was 220. Back onto a different medicine, which raised my weight, 20 pounds.
I was also not eating well. I was eating my feelings. I was in a crappy marriage that had no affection. Cheetos, pizza rolls, and mountain dew were my comfort. NoExcuses, No Shame. That was my fault. I should have reached out for help. I should have left my marriage years before I did. I can’t look back at the “what-if’s”, all I can do is move forward.
In 2004 I was diagnosed with Autoimmune Hepatitis and placed on prednisone for 18 months and if any of you have ever been on a steroid you know that you gain weight and get this big moon face. After stopping that I lost some weight and the moon face, but not a lot.
Since 2009 when I met my current husband I have gained about 50 pounds. I have gone up and down on the scale. Part of that is my husband and I like to eat together. Again….No Excuses,No Shame. We enable each other. We know that. I let him enable me. It is a process we are working on breaking. Part of it is working 2 jobs and eating on the run or eating supper at 10-11 at night and going straight to bed. I’ve done some pretty bad things to my metabolism over the years.
I am at a place that I can recognize what I am doing that is wrong, but not fully capable of changing my habits on my own yet. That is why I am going for surgery. This will help restrict my eating, but this is also why I will find a therapist and do the hard work. It is also why I am blogging and putting my story out there, to hold myself accountable.
I am ready for this. One day at a time. I will wake up each day knowing I can make today better than yesterday.