Nope, not Facebook: f*ckboy.
They’re the guys you don’t want your daughter going home with, but they’re also the guys she’s into. And they’re everywhere.
Whether or not you’re familiar with the term, you definitely know the type of guys I’m talking about. They aren’t bad people – they’re actually really nice. In fact their attention feels like a huge compliment no matter how clear their motives are. They’re smooth, too; they know how to make you (and everyone else) like them. But worst of all, they’re attractive. And they know it.
F*ckboys are fun, but that’s about it.
They’re never going to actually care about you, and that can be fine so long as you don’t care about them either. Because as soon as you develop feelings for them it’s a slippery slope to an unrequited infatuation that will drive you absolutely crazy. Thankfully, they drop plenty of hints. Here’s how to spot them:
- They always remember to compliment you – but only about your body. Because it’s the only part of you they actually want to get to know. It doesn’t have to be direct either. “I like your makeup,” means you look hot today. “I like your pants,” means your butt looks good in them. So it’s nice they noticed, sure, but it’s nothing you aren’t already aware of. Let’s be honest, you didn’t do your makeup to look ugly and you didn’t buy those pants because they made your butt look ‘eh.’ It’s okay to be gracious, just don’t take their compliments too personally – they’re a dime a dozen, and they’re going to be split 12 ways.
- They touch you instead of saying ‘hi.’ Again, it’s purely physical. They don’t care what your name is; it’s what’s on the inside (of your clothing) that counts. Charming and engaging? Not exactly. Don’t expect a dude who does this to ask you on a date any time soon – if he’s not hesitating to put his hands on your body, it’s because he knows what he wants and he’s confident he’s going to get it. But if that’s all you’re after, consider this a green light to go ahead and touch him right back.
- They only want to hang out when they see you. No, it’s not because they’re super happy they ran into you and were totally going to text you later anyway. It’s because You literally didn’t cross their mind until you were standing right in front of them. They don’t care enough to track you down, but now you’re here so they might as well. Maybe you weren’t thinking about them either, or maybe you just don’t care. But if I’m going to sleep with someone I’d at least like them to have been planning on it.
- They don’t follow you back on social media (but they like your posts). And not the ‘tbt to Rome, so glad I studied abroad – I’m forever a changed person, blah blah blah’ posts. They’re liking the selfies and formal photos featuring you in a tight dress and heels. There probably couldn’t be a clearer signal that they just aren’t into you as a person: if he likes a few photos but doesn’t follow back, he doesn’t care what you’re doing with your life, because he has no intention of being in it.
- They’re self-absorbed. Everyone is obsessed with these guys, and they’re their number one fans. Sometimes this can work to your advantage; if you’re like me, small talk is really hard because you have an almost crippling amount of awkwardness that gets very much in the way. If home-boy can’t stop talking about himself, you’re in the clear! But if he isn’t that talkative AND can’t seem to ask you questions about yourself beyond ‘so how old are you,’ conversation just isn’t going to happen, and the hookup probably shouldn’t either.
But hey, at least they’re clear about it! F*ckboys don’t pretend they aren’t f*ckboys, and that’s actually pretty great.