After long contemplation, I have come to the realization that Dartmouth should forever rid itself of the Greek system. This one simple act will go miles toward addressing the awful hazing, heteronormativity and misogyny that is rampant on this campus. I write this sadly as a member of the greatest fraternity in the history of mankind no, not Theta Delta Chi, which is pretty sweet, but the coed fraternity known as the United States Marine Corps.
I type with a heavy heart, but the recent accusations against Beta Alpha Omega fraternity have left me no other choice. A whole pledge class was asked to list their favorite porn, and not a single prospective Beta had the decency to even consider lingerie that time-honored tradition of Tabard (which coincidentally is a Greek event and should be abolished). The thought probably never entered their hyper-masculine, structured worldview.
They then went on to demean pledges, not with alcohol for fear of over-intoxication, but with feminine terms! This is the obvious fault of the Greek system as a whole and is no way indicative of an upringing in a society that generally uses the female gender role to describe being weak. You might think that this type of language is also present in sports, clubs and just life in general, but no, it is the fault of the Greek system. We could try to use the college to educate others to become better people, but we should start with abolishing the Greek system. Sports teams, I'll deal with you another time, but suffice it to say that you're next.
Now, some of you might be wondering if I'm really addressing 70 percent of sophomores and upperclassmen as hazers who promote heteronormativity and misogyny. Absolutely not! There are plenty of messed up kids who aren't affiliated. However, we need not blame the individuals. We have the social construct that breeds it and lets it survive the Greek system.
This morning, I used the word "gay" as a pejorative to describe my cat, Major Tom. Now, he was always trying to hump our other male cat Sammy, but that's not the point I was trying to make. I was trying to demean the little bastard, and I realized that the Greek system was at fault. To be clear, the Greek system is not at fault for Major Tom trying to hump Sammy, although bitch, it might be. However, the Greek system is at fault for my hurtful choice of words.
Now, I have seen proposed changes that allow our Greek system to survive while hoping to reform it. Allowing women to host parties seems like a good idea, but this could degenerate into a battle of the sexes over Dartmouth's social scene and that really does not combat heteronormativity. Plus, my social dues this term were $425. Ladies, you really don't want that.
We could make all houses coed. This would finally allow that strong contingent of girls chomping at the bits to rush Gamma Delta Chi fraternity live out their wildest dreams. However, the exclusivity of houses that spend thousands of dollars providing free beer will still be a problem, so this is only a less bad alternative.
There was even this thoughtful letter by a group of professors on ways to offer alternatives to the Greek system. However, that plan still gives students the freedom to select how they wish to spend their time, and the fraternity scene is too dominant to merely suggest that students could spend their time elsewhere. Dartmouth barely has any clubs! We have to destroy the entire system.
I know my proposed changes can work. One only need to look at the freshman ban on fraternities to see how great the future can be. We can have parties in our friends' and sports teams' houses, because house parties are never exclusive! Sure, drunk driving might become more common, but it's a small price to pay to curb sexual assaults, which rarely happen at private residences. There was even that stripper party at Russell Sage, and 2 Chainz isn't the only one who "loves dem strippers."
I know by now you must be convinced. Stand in solidarity with me against the Greek system it'll be the best decision of your Dartmouth career.